Frank McGinty
'Whose room is it anyway?'
If you have a teenager, you're no doubt already familiar with the warcry of independence:
'It's my room and I should be allowed to do as I
please.
You hear the aggrieved voice, but for the life of you, you
can't see beyond- the unmade bed
- the piles of discarded clothing
- the litter of books
- magazines
- scattered CD covers
- pizza boxes
- and soft drinks cans.
Your spirits plummet as you prepare to join battle yet
again.
But let's stop for a moment and take stock. Do we really
need to create a fuss?
We all know adolescence is a time of change. The desire for
independence is strong - yet the adolescent is still very
dependent, especially where finance is concerned.
There's a subconscious need for rebellion during this phase:
our children feel a need to kick against the goad; to throw
off the shackles of childhood; to explore and develop this
strange, often threatening personality.
That's why at around the age of thirteen our kids
'disappear' from the family circle and spend much of their
time in their rooms.
It's like taking to the hills, a way of retreating from
the old folks and their 'naff' conversations, values and
ideals.
The Untidy Room Syndrome states loudly and clearly,
'I want to do things MY WAY, not yours!'
So the music blares, the scraps of food fester- as
would the unwashed clothes, if you let them!
Only a privileged few receive an invite to the inner
sanctum. The rest make do with: 'Get out of my room!'
MY room?
We parents provide every home comfort. We pay the mortgage.
We pay the bills. We do the laundering. Yet we're told,
'Get out of MY room'!
Let's laugh it off! (While insisting on common courtesy, of
course).
Growing kids need their space, a safe haven where they can
'chill out'.
So what about the mess?
What stance should we take on that?
Well, let's remember the mess is part of the rebellion. We
keep the rest of the home tidy, don't we?
Then turn a blind eye (with one exception, which we'll come
to in a moment).
Yes, turn a blind eye! If they want to scatter their CDs
and magazines and clothes in glorious chaos, let them.
They're in a controlled, safe environment, after all - the
family home. They're not trashing the town, like so many
others.
No, let them get the rebellion out of their systems.
Good news: it will only last a few years.
And hard experience will teach them the lessons they need to
learn.
'OOps! My CD's don't play so well when they're scratched
and dusty.'
'I'm fed up looking for things and not finding them. There
has to be a better way!'
Let's encourage our kids to keep a tidy room
- but leave the details to them.
So what about that exception?
Lay down the law - with a sledge hammer if necessary! - when
it comes to matters of health and hygiene.
If you do the laundering and your kids expect clean
clothes, then insist they pick up the items to be
washed and put them in the laundry basket.
If they leave scraps of food and half-drunk cups of coffee,
insist they clear them away. Explain why you're taking this
line. There's no convincing objection they can raise!
Insist they make a clearance for whoever does the vacuuming
and dusting.
Apart from that, take a step back. If they can happily live
in the chaos, you can happily leave them to it.
Relax. Bide your time. The fires of rebellious youth will
splutter and fizzle, and it will all come right in the
end.
Happy Parenting!
Why do some parents and children succeed, while others
fail?
Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and
teacher. If you want to develop your parenting skills and
encourage your kids to be all they can be, visit his web
pages,
http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html
AND
http://www.frank-mcginty.com/for-parents.html
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